Crisis Averted...We Think

So, the last couple of days have been anything but calm. The more I read about the adoption process and the requirements that we are expected to meet, the more confused, overwhelmed and stressed out I get.

This is not easy.

I had a meltdown a few days ago as I realized there were more forms, more paperwork, more documentation (yes, all synonyms of each other, but that will give you an idea of the ridiculous amounts of said tree-wasting we are talking about here) that we may be required to fill out. Not only that, but that we may have to have an additional Home Study (on top of the one we just completed here and which is way more in-depth and would have put the placement back by several months, if not more). AND get additional criminal background checks (which we have already done here). AND get additional medical clearances (which we have already done here). AND...you get my point. This, all from the U.S. side. Furthermore, not one person has been in our exact situation here that we can be referred to for help, support, advice, a reassuring hug or a snap-out-of-it bollocking. The clincher: three types of forms which will determine the future immigration of our child to the United States. One of which is ridiculously long and redundant to everything we have done here already, one of which does not apply to our situation because the Philippines is a Hague Convention country and the last one an option we had not even heard about until a friend of a friend (who I could engulf so hard in a hug that she would pass out) took the time to empathize, hear us out and explain the three various options, the last being a turning point in our emotional cave. She, and her detailed response and words of encouragement, are what saved me. And the fact that Cory has stayed remarkably calm throughout this entire ordeal.

So, how to choose?

Convenience for now, hopefully no complications later. Keep our adoption process on track with a placement in the fall, as originally hoped for. That is how we choose. Otherwise, we are looking at waiting another year and that is NOT an option for us. We are tired of waiting.

The thing about this whole adoption process is that while the procedures are what they are to protect the child, they are not organized, specific, accessible, easy to comprehend, consistent or in any way conducive to being helpful to good couples who just really want to become parents more than anything else in the world. I am ALL for protecting the child and I know there are many cases of injustice upon children via adoption means, but we are not those people. Nor are the majority of adoptive parents who either cannot or do not want to have biological children. The deeper we dig into this mess, the more I feel like we are being persecuted against in some small way. Like we have to prove ourselves again and again and again in order to be deemed suitable to adopt. Like there is this underlying current of accusation under something which should be so bright and hopeful and exciting and wonderful. Can the authorities please start requiring all biological parents-in-waiting to be questioned, inspected, looked down upon and fed the run-around before determining whether they may then choose to have their own children? It only seems equitable.

Finally, there are moments of deep sadness that come along with this process, too. Moments when Cory and I could scream out loud in frustration because the system is what it is and won't change until more people are aware of it, more people understand it and more people want to do something to change it. We will not be placed with a child under 8 months in age because the governmental machine that processes the paperwork for proper legal custody and adoption is not oiled enough to make it happen efficiently. I realize I am getting worked up here and that this could be a total exaggeration, but...So while some official sits in his office shooting the s**t with his colleagues in his fancy clothes with a photo of his loving family on his desk and without a care in the world, MY CHILD sleeps on a cot for hours on end, under stimulated, perhaps malnourished, neglected (because honestly, how much attention can be afforded to one orphanage-raised child when the ratio is 12:1 and that's being generous) and unloved - how wrong is that!?!

It pains me to the core knowing that our child is out there already. In this city. The city we live and work in. Born to someone who didn't want him or her, or couldn't afford him or her. Who can't meet their needs.

We want that child. We can afford him or her and we can meet their needs. We wish with everything that we could change the system so that we could bring our baby home.

But it will happen. And when it does, we will finally get to join the ranks of overjoyed parents who have so much love to give.

Crisis averted for now: spirits are up, we are back on track. Cory and I have plans to document this process for future American citizens who wish to adopt from here. And we are writing to baby as often as we feel the urge. School is winding down and we will soon be home. Sigh. Cannot. wait.