Everyone we've talked to who has gone through the adoption process has warned us that there will be ups and there will be downs. We didn't completely believe them until today.
We had been on an unrealistic high since we started this process in March by attending the forum. According to what we wanted to hear, we could have a placement (of a 4-6 month old girl) as soon as our paperwork was completed, finish the 6-month trial period and apply for legal and final adoption through the courts in a matter of months. We naively believed we could go home next summer with our baby. We had a meeting with our superintendent about adoption leave and he told us to talk to HR. We have an appointment tomorrow. We were super excited to meet our new caseworker today, Ms. Rej, and have our first interview. That is when we learned that our expectations were completely unrealistic.
Here is the reality: we must wait until the final piece of documentation (our US FBI clearance) is completed and turned in to our agency before they can submit the paperwork to the DSW. We then wait anywhere from three weeks to three months for approval. We can then be considered for placement. Most likely, we will be matched with a baby between 9-12 months, and have a better chance of being matched with a boy when we had originally had our hearts set on a girl. After the six-month trial period, we can then start the court proceedings, which could take up to two years, during which time we will not be able to leave the Philippines with our child. The rules have changed for temporary travel clearance since our former colleagues went through the process just two years ago.
This is a low and a lot to digest. We are now having to reconfigure our expectations to more realistic ones and determine whether or not we are willing to stay in the Philippines an additional year longer than we had planned and quite possibly give up two summers in a row at home.
Disappointment, sadness and frustration are surging through my body and my brain right now. I have to let it sink in before I can better asses how I feel about it all.
More later. Tears now.
3 comments:
Oh my dears, my heart is right there with you, I so want you to be able to realize your dream and to give a special child a wonderful home full of warmth and love. I also don't understand all the rules but know that I am right there with you and wish I could be of help. I say my prayers every day for this miracle to happen as soon as possible. LOVES
I have already commented on this post but it disappeared...... technology, I'm always at a loss for sure, anyway, keep the faith, I know you two will be parents and the treasure at the end will be so rewarding. I love you both!
Ohhh nooo! Devastating.. Have faith it will happen and it will be worth all the wait I am sure! Love you xx
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